Week 23: Cringe writing

I’m being vulnerable here

I’m training to run the TCS NYC Marathon this year! This newsletter is a weekly recap of the highs and lows of training, and my best efforts to stay mentally and physically healthy through it. This is week 23/36. 

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As a lot of writers are wont to do, I recently incognito Googled myself to see if any of my search results need to be cleaned up. I was horrified to discover that my college-era blog—a page I thought I fully deactivated—was still very visible and online. With full intent to scorch-earth delete it, I stumbled across a blog post I wrote, almost 10 years ago, reflecting on what it felt like to train for and run my first half-marathon. The literal beginning of all of this! Antarathon before Antarathon! I can’t delete that.   

A lot of the stuff on the now defunct blog, from my perch of seven years of being a professional writer, is objectively cringe and awful. But I’m trying to have grace with myself because, first of all, that is unfortunately just how people used to talk on Buzzfeed’s internet in 2015. I’ll likely feel the same about my writing from 2024 in a few years from now and that’s fine and a sign of growth. 

But also, I regularly feel down on myself for not doing enough and not writing enough. (I did some hand wringing over this just a couple weeks ago.) This embarrassing corner of the internet is proof that 19-year-old me was doing her best and carving out time for personal writing (and running, and training) from the start. A literal written record of foundation building. I want to give her a hug. (And tell her to maybe use fewer exclamation points, and stop doing whatever ~*tHiS*~ is.) Here is the post. Everyone be NICE.  

How I’ve Been Training:

• Monday: PT + 3.23 miles run (fun)

• Tuesday: Cycle (i h8 cycle)

• Wednesday: 3.13 miles run (fine)

• Thursday: Cycle (the only good cycle class)

• Friday: 4.93 miles run (painful)

• Saturday: Restorative Yoga (adult nap time)

Miles run: 11 miles

We have officially started a 14-week marathon training plan! (I realized this week that I have exactly the same amount of time to train for this marathon as Kamala Harris has to campaign for and win a national election.) I did all of my runs on the treadmill this week—for the sake of convenience and also air conditioning—so no fun running routes to call out. Just a lot of network TV news with sound off and captions on at the gym. Fascinating and concerning what’s happening there.

What I’ve Been Eating:

It wasn’t a huge week for cooking. I was in the office this week and ate a lot of NYT cafeteria food for most of my breakfasts and lunches (egg-and-cheese sandwiches, bland pasta salad, salad bar cubes of cold grilled chicken). At home, I did turn a whole pint of sungold tomatoes, basil, and tarragon from the farmers market into a summery pasta with seared salmon which may have been my favorite meal of the week. 

farmers market dispatch: if it's good for the WORM, it's good for YOU!!!

Other than that: Lemon mascarpone pancakes at Rosemary’s for a post-farmers market brunch with a friend in the West Village. A post-run Chipotle bowl. Takeout pineapple fried rice and veggie dumplings from Bangrak. Tacos picked up in a rush from Street Taco. A focaccia sandwich from All’Antico Vinaio unironically eaten in the overstimulating heart of rush-hour Times Square. Sourpatch Kids during a Lincoln Center showing of North by Northwest. Popcorn and a covert Icee—an Icee snuck into a soda cup—during Deadpool vs. Wolverine (weird week for movies). Probably some Chipwiches and pizza in there that I’m forgetting. It’s interesting to see how just a couple weeks of regular running is changing my appetite (I am so hungry and angry all the time).

What I’ve Been Reading:

In about 30 minutes, while I was waiting for a friend at Drama Book Shop, I sped through Job, a play by Max Wolf Friedlich. It starts off feeling like a conversation that I’ve had many versions of with friends about tech, and therapy, and social media—until it’s not. It was good but I felt like it relied on shock value in a way that cheapened it all a bit, for my taste. I read a profile of the author and then it all made a little more sense.